Saturday, March 31, 2007

Arkansas Surgeons.

Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them and, 8 months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing! A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and, 2 years later, he won a gold medal in Track and Field events in the Olympics.
"The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Montana Weather

Jack and his buddy Bob started on a ski trip together.They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They spotted a farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep inthe barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.
"The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow they met during the ski weekend.
Jack dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north last winter?"

"Yes I do," said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?

"Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look,I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?
"With a big grin, Jack said, "She just died and left me everything."

Monday, March 19, 2007

Not really affiliate sites.

These are sites with good information in them and are called niche sites,because all the info on the sites are about the same thing as the name of the sites.Check these out and you can also get other information from the adsence ads on these sites.

There are a lot of interesting things you can find on all of these niche sites.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Wisdom of Will Rodgers

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.......The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day

.There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

There are three kinds of men. The one who learns by reading. The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Math Problem?

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country.

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)

2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)

3. Multiply by 80

4. Add 1

5. Multiply by 250

6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number

7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.

8. Subtract 250

9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Your Cell Phone

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.
Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST Subject: Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you,and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday.Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!

" THIRD Subject: Hidden Battery Power Imagine your cell battery is very low.
To activate, press the keys*3370# your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone:
* # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.
If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. And Finally....

FIFTH Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to.

Most of us do not carry a
telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:(800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.
Program this into your cell phone now.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Becoming Illegal

Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes Senate Office Building 309 Hart Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.

If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.

Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider.
Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost$10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Explain it to me once more: WHY do I have to "Press 1 for English"?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Here is a site that will help you earn money.

This site will give you resell rights to ebooks you can make money with and use for yourself.

Check out Reports Today and you will be surprized.

Monday, March 05, 2007

New U.S. Coin

Subject: New Dollar NO:
In god WeTrust

PLEASE PASS this On to All you Know:


U.S. Government to Release New Dollar Coins
You guessed it' IN GOD WE TRUST'IS GONE!!!

Who originally put 'In God We Trust' onto our currency?
My bet is that it was one of the Presidents on these coins.
All our U.S. Government has done is Dishonor them, and disgust me!!!

If ever there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!

Together we can force them out of circulation.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

The AdSense revolution is upon us, get on board this F,R,E,E website offer now, as I do not know how long this will last.
Seriously This could make you a fortune!


Free Monthly Websites

Friday, March 02, 2007

New Affiliate Program

You can join this program for sending your ebooks,articles,or any other online info you sell.
It is immediate delivery.
Pay Dot Com